To the girl who took a gamble on a fart and lost.
We met on Craigslist, so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could probably be the most embarrassing first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.
I thought that we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to furthering conversation with you.
At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.
I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did, it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle’s lap. I am lactose intolerant but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don’t think anyone wins 100% of the time. That’s why they call it “gambling.”
I’m the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing, on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better… like when you’re not sitting on a heated leather seat.
What. I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.
I await your call,
P.S. – If you crapped yourself on purpose to end the evening early… Touché…
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