Science Confirms That Beards Are Actually Filled With Fecal Matter

Listen up hipsters; your beard is dirty.

According to a new study, beards contain as much fecal matter as a toilet. A microbiologist made the shocking discovery in a New Mexico lab by analyzing swabs from beards under a microscope.

“I am usually not surprised, and I was surprised by this,” said John Golobic with Quest Diagnostics.

Some beards had normal amounts of bacteria; others had enough to cause serious illness.

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