A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, different procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for you.
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DRIVER A PROCEDURES:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash, and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
DRIVER B PROCEDURES:
(What is really funny is that some of this part is the truth!)
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find wallet and remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through wallet to find paper with your PIN written on it.
11. Enter PIN
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required
14. Check yourself out in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty wallet again to locate and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check book and place receipt in back of check book.
18. Re-check yourself in rear view mirror.
19 Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty wallet, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Re-dial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
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