Funny Conversations Between Telemarketers And The Clever Customers Who Threw Them Off Script

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2. HRO: Hi, this is the Human Rights Organization.

Me: I’m really more of a cat person.
HRO: …Well, did you know that in 37 states, it’s legal to fire a person for–
Me: NO, did YOU KNOW that in 50 states it’s legal to fire a person because they’re a cat?

3. Garden Center Rep: “It’s nearly Springtime, is Mrs Spinozasrobot at home?”
Me: That’s my mother, she just died two days ago” (true story, BTW)
Garden Center Rep: Will anyone else be gardening this year?
Me: Do you realize what you just said?
Garden Center Rep:

4. Them: Hello! My name is Johnny and I’m calling from Ekos Research. We’re conducting a poll for the upcoming federal election. Are you available to answer a few questions?
Me: Sure.
Them: Great! If an election were held tomorrow, which of the following political parties would you be most likely to supp…
Me: You always get an election when you least want it, like when the teacher calls on you for an answer, or when you’re out to dinner with your girlfriend’s mother.
Them: …and which party would you be mo…
Me: I’m getting a huge election right now. What are you wearing? Tell me more about your poll.
Them: Thank you for your time, Sir!

5. When I was about 18 I was home from school with the flu. The phone rang at about 8am and woke me up, and I sleepily picked it up and said hello. The voice on the other end said something, “Hello, are Mr. or Mrs. ____ there? This is Sally from Best Telephone Company, and I wanted to know if you’re happy with your current carrier?” I told her I was sick with flu and asleep, and she said softly, “Okay sweetheart, I’m sorry to bother you. Go back to sleep and I hope you feel better.”

It wasn’t funny or clever, but it was nice of her to not be pushy or anything.

6. Newspaper rep: We are offering a great deal on subscriptions today.
Me: I can’t read
Newspaper rep: (long pause) Maybe this could help you learn
Me: I am also blind and don’t appreciate you telling me how to live my life.
Newspaper rep: You seem to have a strong grasp on your vocabulary for someone who doesn’t read. Are you sure you can’t?
Me: I said I couldn’t read not that I was [an idiot] or didn’t listen and ask questions.
Newspaper rep: Uhhhhhhh, I didn’t mean to insult you. I will leave you be. Sorry sir.